The best we can, part 2: Fall

I wrote this crazy whiny blog post last night that I published but never posted to social media and somehow, thirteen people still found it, although twelve of those may have been spam bots from r-e-f-e-r-e-r.com...weird.

I'm keeping it up because even though it lamely attempts to be present, happy, and bright, it's really just me whining, and I think it's important to show that I am not, in fact, present, happy, or bright all of the time.

You can read it here.

But I can also summarize.

It was all about how we did nothing memorable on a glorious fall day, and I dress my kids horribly un-trendy, and they often refuse to eat vegetables and I was tired of watching my news feed showcase only the stuff that made me feel like crap.

Because I totally compared myself to those news feed posts. And I shouldn't. But I did.

Human.

So fast forward to now, where yesterday's whine (although I wish it were wine) carried over to a case of the Monday blarghs and it's a full moon and technology messed up those dreaded SLOs and the kids were cranky and.

Blargh.

Now press pause.

Deep breath.

Resume play.

This moment.

I just finished my fourth chocolate chip cookie (yes, fourth!) with a cool breeze blowing on my face from that glorious fall weather while I sit and type and wait on a plumber to arrive who will allow me to take hot showers without flooding the finished basement.

And in my news feed was a post by a photographer who I don't know, but who, in a general photo of a cup of coffee said, "Expectations from others have the ability to destroy you, but only if you let them." (Follow thedefineschool on Instagram, and you can view such wisdom yourself.)

Like a good Language Arts teacher in a stream of consciousness writing assignment, I carried myself away from this desk chair and computer, and I found myself here.

At the risk of sounding like a crazy person, this tree calls to me, and has since we first moved in. We have an amazing acre of woods right out our back door, and this strong, enormous gem catches my eye every time I scan the yard.

Spring is for dragging our roots up out of the earth, dusting off, and beginning to tread lightly. Summer is for floating through air, whimsiscal and light. Winter is for hibernation, for burrowing and finding warmth.

But Fall. Fall is for letting our roots seep again. For grounding ourselves and settling into something solid and tangible and safe.

Safe from the expectations of others that we think exist--of the "What will they thinks" and the "Who even cares" and the "Why do I put myself out theres."

Fall is for the reset button; the trees shed their leaves and we watch them let go with grace and freedom.

We let go, too.

I'm letting go.

I choose to let go of my own expectations of myself as a mom, a wife, a teacher, and I certainly let go of what others' perceive to be ideal and fabulous...what is ideal for one is not for the other, and who are we to judge (ourselves or others) in saying what ideal looks like. It changes. Every day. Maybe even in each moment.

I acknowledge where I faulter and I know that no one area of my life can ever be equally as strong as the next at the same moment in time. It's this beautiful dance of give and take where we waiver one day and shine radiantly the next.

How we let go is of little importance; run, yoga, dance with wild abandonment, cry, sigh, laugh with friends, sing, scream, whine, or wine.

Shake it out, Florence and the Machine.

I'll go ahead and take all of the above, please.

Once we've cleared, we dig deep and settle in and we feel better. Free. Strong.

Even big trees bow with the wind.

What counts is that we find smiles and giggles and love in as many moments as we possibly can.

And if that means eating four chocolate chip cookies on a perfect fall day while setting my roots alongside a magical tree, then so be it.

Happy Fall.

The best we can

I feel like I do a pretty good job of telling myself that I do the best that I can when it comes to raising my kids.

When Will was a month old, and we would turn on Nick Jr. for him (okay, for us--we were so ready for kid shows...little did we know then...) there would be a spot between shows about the parent website and their slogan was, "We're not perfect; we're parents!" And it wasn't until much later in this gig that I realized how true it was.

Still...I can't help but feel like crap when, for example, today, I saw how every family under the Western Hemisphere sun was enjoying the most perfect fall Sunday afternoon EVER (according to social media), and all my kids did was go to Target and watch Finding Nemo.

Or when Will picks the t-shirt with screen print super hero characters all over it, and the other kids at the play date/school/birthday party have on their finest Polos and Gap Kids pull overs.

Or those little zingers here and there: "My little guy just LOVES vegetables!" as my kids shun peas with faux gagging noises and dramatic choking sounds.

It stings a little because I can't help but think, "I messed up."

My poor little vitamin-deprived, festival-deprived, couch potatoes.

And I know--I absolutely know--that no one posts their kids in super hero t-shirts even if they wear them the 364 other days out of the year, nor does anyone post the candy corn meltdown that may have occurred post pumpkin patch hay ride (it's not even October yet!?!), or in the throws of hot dogs for the fourth dinner in a row.

Because "no one wants to see the bad stuff."

Except me.

And probably you, too.

Give me honesty, people. Give me your good, glorious, Rock Star parenting moments, because those moments are awesome--I absolutely know. I want to like them and give you social media high fives!

But give me your human moments, too. Those are what make us feel connected.

Which is why I'm going to share the following--it's a little Rock Star, a little "Ugh I messed up somewhere."

#honestmommy

Will has this bucket called "Our Love Bucket," that a friend from high school made several months ago. In it are photos of ten relatives, and I have had every intention of having Will pick a person at bedtime, and think good things about that person...every intention of doing this since it came in the mail...eight months ago.

Today, while cleaning up his room, I decided it was time.

So I called him in.

I explained these were all people we loved very much, and we were going to pull one person out without looking and think about all the reasons we love that person, and maybe something we would like them to experience, like a good night's sleep, or a fun day.

"So we don't call them fat or anything like that?"

#honestmommy Will is fixated on people who are overweight--only not just people, but cartoon characters, and animals on a game, and pillow pets! I was told he asked one of his preschool teachers why she had a fat belly.

There. Honesty.

After assuring him that this was not the time to dwell on the size of people, he selected Greg's dad and his friend, Mary.

"I really like Grandpa," he said. "And I hope he has a good day at work, and I hope Mary has a good day at work."

Never mind they're both retired.

"Can I do another one?"

We selected my dad.

"I really like Grandad. He's wearing a hat in this picture from his birthday party when we set off fireworks. Why did Uncle Jon like the fireworks?"

Sidetracked.

"Can I do one more?"

He picked Greg and I.

"I like my mommy and daddy. They're nice."

"Why are we nice? What kinds of things do we do that make us nice?"

"You let me have popsicles."

And fat comments and popsicle bribery aside, I rest easy.

I am doing the best that I can. And it's always always enough.

Workin' Together

Happy Labor Day, folks.

It may be ninety-five degrees outside, but when I see the date "September" on my phone, my mind goes to crisp fall days...even though those are still several weeks away.

I may or may not have beef and barley soup in the crockpot...and a cinnamon candle burning...while the only thing outside that is crisp is my very brown lawn.

Speaking of lawns, we've owned ours now for two months exactly, and we have been wrapping up projects here and there, so I thought I'd let you in on what we've done. Prepare yourself for a big ol' bomb of photos.

I may have mentioned before that DIY projects are sort of our "thing;" some couples go to concerts, some ride bikes, some try new restaurants. Greg and I bust out stuff on our house.

And although we've never DIY'd while on a bike, we have definitely shared a few beers and listened to good music while working (well, it depends on who you ask if the music is "good").

We never really documented too much of our old house, aside from the photos on old computers that were never transferred, etc., so as we put our stamp on this house, we wanted to make sure we were keeping track of our sweat equity.

Before we begin, let's answer two frequently asked questions.

"Where on earth do you find the time to do this?!" 

Well, my mom moved back to town recently so...our kids LOVE their grandparents! And we do this and that when they are sleeping. I've painted enough rooms now that I can knock one out in just over an hour! 

"Where do you find the energy?!" 

I don't know...we love doing this stuff, and you always find the energy to do the stuff you love. That and sugar free orange caffeine packets you can get at Kroger. :o) 

So. Let's begin--in no particular order.

Greg hated the faded tomato-y red door and forest green shutters (I suppose I did, too, but they didn't bother me to the same degree). So last weekend, after the line at the barber shop was too long for the boys to get haircuts, we looked at each other and said, "Let's paint the house!"

Before. (We suck at taking most "before" photos, so I had to steal this from the county auditor's website--you can still see the hideous bushes...and a car that is not ours, duh, we didn't live here in 2008.)

After. (Black shutters, brighter red door.)

We've also ripped out all but a few original bushes. There are great deals on plants this time of year, so as long as you cross your fingers it all comes back in the Spring, I say take advantage! We decided to forego most of the suburban round shrubs and create a bit of a "butterfly garden" with great color in the planting bed to the right of the house, so maybe next summer that will fill in and make for a good post.

Let's head inside.

As soon as we had signed the paper work, we got into the house and ripped out all of the carpet on the second floor, and painted both boys' bedrooms (Behr's Cosmic Quest for Will, Behr's French Colony & NYPD Blue for Reid).

Will's room before.

After.

Reid's room before (pink!).

After.

What I love most about Will's room is his art, including this etsy find: a Batman print on vintage French dictionary paper (hello!?):

And this etsy find--you know, boy stuff:

(The choo choo names were a gift from a friend, but can also be found on etsy here.)

The laundry room was our next project (day three of having moved in) because we I couldn't handle the original white--and very stained--linoleum floor. This would be the room we walked into after long days, so I felt it important to be somewhat inviting.

We purchased a newer product on the market--linoleum tiles you can actually grout. So, for the look and feel (but not price!) of ceramic, and only about three hours total installation (walkable the next morning!) we got this:

Before.

After.

With a coat of our general first floor paint (Benjamin Moore Moonshine), and some brighter paint (Behr Ultra White) on the trim and door, coat hooks, a magnet board, etc., it looks like this:

Other things I'd like to do:

• new light fixture (maybe recessed lights instead?)
• art work somewhere
• backsplash around the utility tub
• hide things on the shelves with baskets
• new door hardware

The dining room was my next big project, and I was super excited to use this wall stencil I got on etsy. I went bold in color (Stuart Gold by Benjamin Moore), and the final product became this fantastic French farmhouse feel.

Before (a mess always makes for a better "before," eh?):

After. 

I turned my old half-door garbage pick find from the old house into a chalkboard and carried that Frenchy theme with a little menu from the city the Puntenneys hailed from.

(Sorry for the instagram copy but hey--wanna follow me on instagram? There you go!)

The family room was next. Dark blue scared me but this color turned out fantastic (it's Behr Andirondack Blue). (I also love how in this photo you can see the green of the office, the gray of the hallway, and the still khaki walls in the kitchen, which actually fit into the color family nicely.)

The mantle provided a challenge, but for now, this strikes a nice balance.

More things we want to do in here:

• We've got plans for another "Ikea hack" (details below) entertainment center 
• Eventually this room will be hardwoods as well to complete the entire first floor. Lulu, sweet girl, had a hard time adjusting to the new house and made this room her personal, well, potty. Gross. Stinky. #smellslikedogpee #thankgoodnessforsteamvacs
• Lighting. Recessed lighting. 

The foyer has been given a coat of Moonshine, as has the upstairs hallway. Need to paint the spindles (hello, time consuming project) and add a little chest to the front (it's currently holding the TV in the family room). 

And our last project--probably what I'm most proud of so far--is the office. 

Completely empty (well, except for that pretty girl who is confused about the potty).

To this.

The color is starting to grow on me (Benjamin Moore Stormcloud) as we've hung artwork, curtains, and styled the bookcases. 

After finding inspiration online here and here (definitely check out that second link, young house love; we have gotten so many great ideas and tutorials from them!), we decided to do our own "Ikea hack": take the cheap Ikea stuff, and customize it to make it look, well, custom! So we went from cabinets with cubes and a lumber top...

...to cabinets that look custom made with Greg's carpentry additions, and a walnut stained top.

 

Things I'd still like to do in this room:

• hang pendants above each desk area
• get some sort of loveseat for the back of the room
• hire someone to paint all of that dental molding (holy cow is it annoying and time consuming)
• acquire some upholstered desk chairs (those are our old kitchen stools as the unit is more bar height)

We haven't spent much; that office was only the cost of a gallon of paint, two additional Ikea cabinets plus drawers, the shelves, the drawer hardware, and the lumber for the top. We had everything else!

We are on a ridiculously tight budget for at least the next nine months as we become accustomed to things like, oh, a new house payment, etc., so we are picky about where we spend money. Most of our changes have been paint--which, if looking for inspiration, should inspire you to spend $35 and create your own makeover! This winter we may only be tackling the half bath, which is covered in wallpaper and a very outdated sink and cabinet--which (I say) can be made over on the cheap...oooo, or maybe we will paint the basement (the amount of toy storage and play space down there is ridiculously awesome).

Doesn't matter...so long as we are workin' together!

P.S. Like all those links throughout? They take you to the stuff we bought! Go crazy!