Connected Souls

Will has not yet mastered the art of speaking in the future tense, so everything always happens now, in the moment, or in the past, or in some strange combination of the two.

For example, "When I was a grown up, I will be big and strong."

Yesterday morning, in the middle of playing blocks, with Jake and the Neverland Pirates squawking in the background, we were discussing as a family that Will should make good choices.

Like...taking that block away from your brother while he's chewing on it is not a good choice.

And he made some strange declarations.

"Daddy, when you was a baby, you couldn't make choices, but when I was a big kid I will make good choices."

We sort of nodded, not really comprehending that specific train of thought, but nothing unusual. Personally, I squirmed, but didn't correct, the improper use of "was" in that sentence.

He continued. "Daddy, you was a bad guy before, and I was the good guy."

"Do you mean when we were playing Captain Hook and Peter Pan?"

"No, when you was a big kid and I was a big kid, you was a bad guy and I was a good guy."

Greg dismissed it as more ramblings. But I couldn't help but think my little old soul Will was sharing secrets again.

It's not a belief that everyone shares, but it happens to be mine: we are connected. Our souls choose their company from life to life. Never mind that we return again and again to keep learning; we choose to surround ourselves with the same people.

Like your very best friend who so often feels like a sister.

Or that one person who always gives you the heebie-jeebies.

These feelings could stem from past life interactions.

And immediately, I thought to my friend Denise.

After revealing last year that we were expecting again, Denise called to tell me that she has sensed this soul hanging around for awhile, chomping at the bit for us to make up our minds about a second child so he or she could join our family.

So excited was sweet little Reid, that he jumped head first. A little bump on the way down, a little helmet to fix him up. :o)

At lunch this afternoon, I stared at Will, peanut butter and honey all over those fingers, milk dribbling down his chin, big goofy grin as he sang some variation of the word "Mommy," and then Reid, piercing blue eyes that seem to give away his mood before he can verbalize it, soggy goldfish cracker on his shirt.

And all I could think was, "You picked us."

This week, as you tend to your Reese's Peanut Butter Cup hangover, and you spot treat vampire blood out of costumes, it will probably be November 1st, All Saint's Day, or All Soul's Day. In traditional Catholic faith, it is a time to pray for and honor loved ones who have passed.

I will be honoring my connections, undoubtedly grateful for those around me, present and past, comforted in knowing we keep choosing each other.

Go with what you know

I signed up for my one-month online class at thedefineschool.com because I felt I needed fresh perspective--I thought this blog needed a more clearly defined label, that what I wanted to write about wasn't flowing. I seem to spend most of my time writing about mom things, and kid things, and the little moments in between my "mom" label and the label that is "balancing work and being a mom."

Mom mom mom mom mom.

Ugh. I'm a mommy blog.

It wasn't the direction I wanted to go.

Turns out, it's the direction to go. In this moment, it's what I know. It's where my heart and soul are. If you are submerged in a submarine underwater for an extended period of time, it's where you are. Go with where you are. Be here. Now.

The class has taught me--mostly reminded me--of the following, and I think it's important enough (in that I find myself nodding my head and saying "YES!" all the time) that I share. First, the stops:

• Stop defining yourself. In every capacity. You can cook a gourmet meal one night and heat up Spaghetti-Os the next. You can go to 189 Dave Mathews Band concerts and still break out your dance moves every time you hear an Usher song. You can take the most beautiful photograph with your awesome amazing professional camera on Monday and take something equally as meaningful with your iPhone on Tuesday. You can work and be a mom. Or a dad. You can get every sort of degree and certification and title money can buy, but it means nothing if it's not what your soul truly longs to do. 
• Stop seeking approval. Your kids are beautiful--you made them. The meal you cooked was delicious--your tastebuds told you so. You can do absolutely anything--you made up your mind to try. Your garden looks lovely, your significant other is awesome, and you are, in fact, brilliant. No one needs to tell you this for it to be true if you know it's true. And it is.  
• Stop second-guessing yourself. The original thought, word, idea, answer, picture, moment, phrase, song, response was all perfect. It came from that place deep down inside that whispered, "Yes. This is right." All you need to do is pause long enough to listen to it. 

And now, the doing:

• Make. time. for. yourself. And don't feel guilty about it. This has by far been the hardest for me to tackle, as most days there are moments I feel like I'm a robot programmed to go from 5:30 in the morning until 8:30 at night when I fall into bed. Even if it's five stinking minutes, close the door to the bathroom and sit on the floor and breathe (or cry, whatever). Or journal (this class has forced me to do an art journal, complete with my own fabulous stick people, glitter, finger printed ink dots, and lots of words, usually done while I eat lunch--but it's time I spend on me). Or sit in your car for 30 seconds before you go pick up your kids. Have plenty of time? Go do the things that you long to do: run, paint, meditate, sculpt, photograph, yoga, read, sing, play, get dirty, work in your garden, dance, curl up on the couch with a cup of tea and watch your DVR. Go ahead. Do it. If you can't focus on you, you can't possibly be there for the 974 other things that demand your attention.
• Say no. Say no to your boss, your co-worker, your spouse, to the people you've been wanting to say "no" to for a long time; say no to remaining in something that no longer serves you a positive purpose; say no to feeling anything but happy, and that comes in so many different forms that no one can define it for you; say no to the things that bring you down on a daily basis--it is time to let them go once and for all. 
• Be selective in social media. It's so easy to get caught up in comparing our lives, thoughts, ideas, etc., with everyone. Ev. Ree. One. Unplug. It's okay to not know what that one person you knew in 3rd grade had for dinner. Or what that one blogger you totally admire and compare yourself to wrote. :o) 
• Surround yourself with people you love who love you back. There simply isn't room for anyone else. 

And that's where I am. Here.

Good place to be.