Ruminations on Parenting

I ate most of my lunch with a baby spoon today, which got me thinking about what I've become really good at doing since I've had kids...thought I'd put it out here and see what else you, dear readers, can add to this list.

• Resourcefulness: This morning I was late, the dishwasher was dirty, and all that was clean in the silverware drawer were baby spoons. I'm glad no one saw me eat lunch today. For full effect, I may have airplane-sounded a bite. 
• Bribery: I know my kids love me, but I'll be damned if I can't get them to leave day care. I pick them up and it's like I'm dragging them to a doctor's office full of needles. "Nooooooo!!!!" is generally what I'm met with. My secret weapon is candy. I'm not ashamed to tell you my kids eat candy at least once a day. Sometimes m&ms; sometimes dum dum lollipops; Will often gets sugar-free gum; and sometimes, you know...they have all three!! 
• Peace Making: Oh, you both want the Batman action figure? No worries...we have FOUR. And we have two super hero capes, two super hero masks, multiple dump trucks in a variety of sizes, three Batman vehicles, three copies of Green Eggs and Ham, two tambourines, two harmonicas, four maracas, two drums, and two sets of fake food and dishes for the play kitchen. Oh, you both want the ONE random yo-yo at the bottom of the toy chest that no one has played with in months? You're on your own. It's good for you.
• Acting: I've read the superhero anthology so many times I could sing it in Italian, opera style in my sleep. For some reason, the villains always have deep voices, and I give the super heroes high-pitched voices--like they just sucked the helium from a balloon. I've decided this is an accurate portrayal. Have you read the super hero background stories? They are generally whiny little things before they become superheroes, and then in the process they are usually pumped full of so many radioactive chemicals it's a wonder they even have skin! High-pitched and whiny it is. 
• Operating like a well-oiled machine: This would include multi-tasking. I can fold a shirt and wash a kid's hair at the same time. I can run, push a jogging stroller, unwrap a lollipop (that's right, my kids get candy when we run, too), and find Scooby-Doo on YouTube all a the same time. I can cook mac and cheese with one hand while the other holds someone, pulls someone out of a cabinet, opens juice boxes, etc. Before dinner is even served I get out all of the various options I know will be requested: ketchup, applesauce, yogurt, ranch dip. Just line 'em up. They'll be asked for when they cry out "but I don't LIKE tacos!" even though they ate them no problem last week. That's right. Tacos. Two weeks in a row. 
• Feeling guilty: This one I'm not proud of but I feel it multiple times a day: I should have said this differently, I should not have said that, why did I react that way, I've messed him up for life, his therapist will help him through that when he's 30, why wasn't I there...

We are all doing our absolute best with our kids...with ourselves...at any given moment in time. We've even acquired new skills along the way, brains working in overdrive with all of the new things to think about. 

This video has been circulating lately, but I thought I'd post it here. 

Remember your talents, your newly acquired skills, the good stuff--your kids (and mine, too) so appreciate what we do.

(I hope they remember that tonight when we trick-or-treat in a monsoon.) 

Happy Halloween. 

The 973rd time

I spend a lot of time between the hours of 6 p.m. and 7 p.m. on Wednesday evenings telling large groups of people to "let go."

In fleeting moments outside of that time slot, whether in a quick meditation, a practice of my own, or even just a deep breath out, I tell myself to "let go."

Sometimes my own intention is specific, and other times it's just a general shake off the day, the week, the stress du moment.

I usually feel better--and I hope that the people in my classes do as well--but for me, quite often, it never feels totally gone.

There's still that little nagging something; an "ugh, I wish it would just release." I can feel it clutching in the pit of my stomach, or the back of my mind, or deep in that space in my heart that lies a little bit dark and unresolved.

But I know, each time I actively let it go, that someday it will be gone.

I say in class, at least once, "Let it go, whatever 'it' is for you. You may need to release 'it' 973 more times, but eventually, it will leave you free."

When I woke up today, one of my own dark nagging emotions was not there. I tried to get upset about it and even actively sought out the "ugh" emotion--I did, in fact, really try so hard to do that. It was like looking for the wallet you know your kid dropped in the parking lot at the last store. I knew it was gone, but I still wanted to find it.

But I was free.

And instead of being sad or upset, as a lost wallet might make me, this loss...well, it made me smile.

It's not the first time this has happened, and every time it does I wonder why. I wonder what pushed it out, once and for all. Was it a particular yoga pose from a few days ago? A good night's sleep? A visit from the Sandman who told me to release it? Was it what I ate? Healing properties of sun dried tomatoes?

The truth is, there is no one magical thing anyone can tell you to do to really, truly let "it" go.

But one day, just maybe, on the 973rd time, that little-dark-nagging-unresolved space will be gone.

Who knew a Monday could feel so good?

(Added bonus: my favorite yoga poem, by Danna Faulds from "Go In and In: Poems from the Heart of Yoga.")

"Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold: the holding of plans or dreams or expectations--Let it all go. Save your strength to swim with the tide. The choice to fight what is where before you now will only result in struggle, fear, and desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for. Let go. Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you received it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders. Take this on faith; the mind may never find the explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward nonetheless. Let go, and the wave's crest will carry you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams or destinations. Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace, and certain transformation."