80 miles an hour

I don't know what I would do without my morning commute.

Some people have genius ideas in the shower; my great thinking time is at 80 miles an hour on 75 north.

I car dance, I sing, I drink coffee, and I think.

And last week, I cried.

Seriously, I'm not competing here, but...I think I win for "ridiculously bad week" last week.

I said see-ya-next-summer to spending all day every day with my boys, said good morning to 5 a.m. alarms, said "Are you kidding me?" to a bout of hand-foot-mouth disease, and oh yes--said goodbye to my first and favorite dog.

And that morning commute was for pity parties.

But I didn't stop.

No.

Life didn't stop.

Like the next breath, the moments just keep coming, and you just confront them and what they contain.

Joy? Laugh. Beauty? Smile. Sadness? Cry. Anger? Fume.

And you never deny the emotions. What good is denial?

So in the middle of last week's chaos, I concluded that going back to teaching yoga at a regular time slot in a studio with candles and music was not in the cards now, and I'm not sure when it will be again.

And this epiphany happened in the car.

The most beautiful thing that has impacted my life (and probably helped me survive last week) needs to go on the back burner.

My energy (what's left after teaching smelly teenagers in non-air conditioned classrooms that feel like pea soup) needs to go to the two little people who call me "mom."

Will I go back? Yes. When I actually am ready.

But here's the truth: I don't need to be standing at the front of a yoga studio with my iPod plugged in and candles all around to be a yoga "teacher."

Yoga is so. much. more. than that.

Today an email popped into my inbox and declared a local yoga studio in Cincinnati is closing.

I only took one class at Shine, and I very much enjoyed it, but hOMe is convenient, and, well, home.

But the owner of Shine expressed where her energy needed to be--with her growing family--and she expressed that yoga goes beyond the walls of a studio.

And that's how I feel.

It's patience in raising my kids; it's creativity in my everyday job; it's offering positive words when everyone else is negative; it's choosing to speak kind words, think good thoughts, and find quiet space; it's remembering to breathe when life seems overwhelming; it's setting the example--living truth--in hopes that others say, "Yes, that's how I feel."

I haven't given up entirely though...

At 80 miles an hour this morning, I knew what I needed to do (great ideas! Yes!).

So I sent out an email to my co-workers, and I offered them free yoga, once a week, in the four walls of my classroom.

It's energy too good not to share.

And then the time I would miss my boys while at the studio on a weeknight I reinvest in furthering my yoga studies--workshops, classes, retreats--to continue being a student and to become a better "teacher."

So I push pause. And I watch my studio "teacher" self stand still--at 80 miles an hour, she looks completely at peace with her thoughts.